As a mother of a teenage daughter, Anu was filled with fear of what could possibly go wrong with her daughter Pia. Most of her fear stemmed from the horror stories she heard about boyfriends and drugs. She knew Pia was a strong girl and would not get into things like drugs but what about boyfriends? She was bound to be friends with boys at her school and at an age when the hormones control the children more than anything or anybody else, there was a possibility to be misled.
Pia was an attractive young lady, flamboyant and effervescent. She was attracted to a boy from her class – Mishal. When they went to college, Mishal proposed to her and they became a couple. Anu was unaware of this as Pia wanted to explore the relationship first and then tell her Mum about it. Everything seemed to be perfect for Pia and Mishal and they breezed through college. Pia took up a job immediately after graduating. Mishal waited for a year to get one. Finally, he got through to a job in a different city. He told Pia to speak to her mother about them so they could manage a long distance relationship better. When Pia told Anu about Mishal – she was furious. She felt her daughter had betrayed her by not telling her about it from the onset and she also disapproved of Mishal as a person. Pia had no reason to back out from the relationship so she ignored her mothers wrath and told her that she would continue to see Mishal no matter what. Thus started a tussle between mother and daughter.
Mishal moved to another city for work soon but kept in touch with Pia on phone calls and mails. After about eight months or so Pia found changes in Mishal’s behaviour. He was always busy and indifferent. She thought it must be work pressure and ignored it. After a year, Mishal took a transfer back home. Pia was thrilled that they would be together soon and her wait would end. She went to receive Mishal at the airport, she was glad to see him but found something amiss. He did not seem to be the person she loved. She did not see the same happiness in him on seeing her. Her heart skipped a beat – was it the beginning of the end?
Even though Pia had a few close friends she rarely shared her feelings about Mishal with them. She also could not share her feelings with her mother because she had rejected her relationship. Mishal turned very possessive and demanding of the relationship now. They fought frequently. Pia could not handle it and they broke ties. Mishal incidentally was quite practical about break up and seemed unaffected. Pia on the other hand went into a depression, became reclusive and did not know how to deal with her situation. She wanted Mishal to come back to her and things become like the good old days but that was not to be.
It took Pia seven long years to get out of the depression and settle down with another guy. Luckily, she had a job and a good thing going there to maintain her sanity. But she did not get any emotional support to come out of her mental state quickly. It was partly due to her own fault of not reaching out to friends and partly her mother’s for not being emotionally available to her daughter.
Lessons to parents of teenagers:
- Be open to communication with your children at all times
- If you do not agree to their choices, tell them so but do not impose your choices on them
Advise to teenagers:
- Be open to communication with a trusted adult or friend about your problems. You can also seek help of professional counsellors if friends and family are not available.
- Do not take it on yourself to solve all your problems, some issues are best handled with wisdom that comes with age and experience so do not hesitate to seek help.
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